I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
