just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
