Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
