Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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