If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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