Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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