Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
