He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
