whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
