my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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