need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
