So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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