I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
