Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
