Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
