think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
