I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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