what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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