So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
