went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
