no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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