Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
