I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
