if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
