Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
