So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
