This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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