Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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