I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
