After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
