Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
