Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
