You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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