Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
