he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
