So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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