You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have feelings that need drinking.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
