My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
