Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
