She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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