yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
