I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
