i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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