So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
