never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
