Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
