Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
