did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
