Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
