if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
