I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
