I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
