first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
