I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
