peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
